Prologue

Prologue

Anant Gaur


And there stood she in the darkness. With her luggage all packed up by her side, staring at her children sleeping in comfort. Wanting to reach out to them, bid her last goodbyes but afraid to wake them up. Much afraid of the questions she'll have to answer if they do. There stood she fighting herself in the shadows of guilt which now hovered over her.

The light in the other bedroom turned up, her husband Aman, still half asleep, walked up to her. She turned around but even her welled up eyes couldn't explain what she was going through. Aman looked at her and got startled on seeing her all packed up and dressed at this hour. As any husband is, he was bound to ask 'what is all this? Where are you going zaana, what's happening?'

She stood there in the silence of the night.

Unanswered Aman reached her with his hand and placed it over her shoulder, asking again 'what is going on and why are you all dressed up? Zaana? why are you crying?'

'I will have to go Aman', said she.

'go... go where? Are you out of your mind. Its 2.', Aman quickly moved closing the door of the children's room.

'I have to go. I have to stop this. He is going to get married day after.'

'Oh its... so you are running away with him. I thought we were done with this. We talked remember. REMEMBER.', he shouted. 'He is almost what.. like 10 years younger to you, you faithless women. Finally he is getting married, don't ruin it for everyone. Don't create a scene.' 

'I can not let this happen Aman. I will certainly die if he goes away. I cannot lose him.', She cried.

'I've told you a million times, you are a married woman, mother of two. You have a 12 year old son sleeping there inside. Do you forget that... hunh. Wasn't it enough, me being alright with you fucking around. Why are doing this to us... what will I tell them?, what's our fault!', Aman's voice cracked.

'I love him.', She sobbed.

'Oh you vicious whore... you.'

Grabbing her by her arm Aman dragged her out of the house, throwing her luggage with her. 

'This ends everything you have to do with this house and my children. Never show your face again. Go die somewhere if you can, you... bitch.  And in that moment think of my children's lives that you've ruined. It wasn't their fault', Blurted out Aman. Wiping off his tears as he slammed the door shut.

'It wasn't mine either.', she said to herself.

She cried a little more sitting on the pavement outside the door, thinking of her children. Then took a minute to gather herself, picked up her backpack & the stroller and started walking into the long endless night, along the trail of the street lamps on the road, looking back time and again. Initially towards her children who were still in proximity, sleeping unaware of the world full of lies and their ruthless mother, whom they might never see again. Couple of times she turned around and walked back a few steps, to forget everything and be the mother to her children in the morning. Like she is supposed to be, like nothing happened. But she turned around just to turn back again, continuing on her path and looking back after every few steps. This time she turned around to the sound of a taxi. 


Planning how she would enter the house and what would she answer if anyone asks why has she come and why at this hour. And why in a taxi. Where was her husband. Thinking of numerous plots she stopped the taxi in front of a house dressed up with lights and paid the driver who parked the taxi down the alley, probably to doze off a few hour.

Standing on the road she stared at the newly painted house neatly decorated in the twinkling white and blue lights. It reminded her of her own wedding day. The day she had cursed for the last 15 years. A minute later when she was determined to go on with her plan, she looked in for her phone and made a call.

-hello..

-yes its me.

-listen I am standing here outside the house.

-yes here, outside your house.

-Bring in your stuff and whatever you need we are leaving.

-yes... that's the only way. can't you see.

-please, listen to me. Don't argue. I can't lose you. Just come.

-yes... come I am here only, just out the alley.

After a very long half an hour of waiting she was finally relieved of her rumination, when a young man came running towards her dressed in his sleeping shorts and vest. she couldn't ignore the day old mehendi on his hands.

There stood  she in darkness, reminiscing of both their childhood. The decades of growing up together, constantly hiding from everyone. She remembered day kabir was born. It was a hot afternoon. She had just changed after coming back from school, when her bhabhi brought in this new drooling-annoying member to their home. She didn't know then, this little creature would become so important to her. She didn't know she would spent years of her life crying over this little man, consumed by her passion for him.

'what in the world has crawled up your ass... are you out of your mind or what.', He inquired.

'where's your luggage... why aren't you dressed?'

'what the fuck are you up to, idiot woman, showing up at this hour. Does aman phufa ji know you are here?'

'yes.... now come we have to go. Quickly before bhaiya wakes up.', She held his hand and tried to walk him towards the taxi.

'leave my hand', taking away his hand from her grip 'and what going-going are you on about, I am going nowhere.'

'why don't you understand kabir, we can not stay here. this is our last resort. Otherwise you'll be married off, like I was.'

'of course I'll get married... I had to. One day or the other. What the fuck are you dreaming about. It's over, there's nothing you can do about it. I don't want anything to do with you anymore, you are my aunt for god's sake. We live in a society bua. Wake up... you should be thankful to your husband, he at least accepted you even after knowing our truth. He is great man... turn your goddamn brains back on. Go back home, go. And don't call me back.', he said as he went back, 'and try not to show me your face again, think of something... anything to say to papa. Just don't come.'

Shock. The word belittles the state she was in. Her eyes had dried up and so did her mouth. A state where a thought strives to take birth and dies as soon as your brain conceives it. She stared back at the house for the next hour straight, waiting for kabir to come back. To take her from her grief. She looked into the night sky hoping someone would take back this night. The last resort was death now, but the woman who had left behind everything in the last few hours, suddenly wasn't Courageous enough. She looked around and found herself staring at the taxi which was still parked their. The light of dawn had struck the horizon and there stood she in the darkness.



PS. this story which you just read is the starting point of the two part novel (Azaan Hui Hai) i had been working upon, hence named prologue. It must have led you to the two obvious questions. 'where is she coming from?' and 'where will she go now?'. 

i wish i could tell you! 

Hoping to pick my pen up, write down the past, the future and complete this fable of Azaan ...

Do share your word with me.

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